Why?
Dark thoughts rumble in like a thunderstorm
The sight of blood and empty eyes fill my mind
Power is intense nowhere near lukewarm
Then these thoughts turn into something unalike
I see a path I see a bike
Now where do I go?
Follow the sunlight
Dear EveryBeauty,
Just going to delve deep here and skip the small talk.
Why are we here? Why am I here? What is the purpose of our presence on this Earth? Really. These questions have been flooding my mind for the past 10 hours. With having no schedule and no "social life" (for the past month), my mind has been coming up with thoughts to "entertain" me. Doing their best to break me down into a pile of disgusting bile. And I have to admit, it succeeded. I was on the kitchen floor a few nights back forcing the contents of what I binge ate, out of me. And let me tell you, it felt great, but it did come with some unfavourable consequences. So I ain't doing that again.
Anywho, so with all those questions swirling around in my mind, I really did think of suicide. Thinking of how. But what caught me and is preventing me of doing that is, what's so special about that? Soo many people have committed suicide (gun to the head, knife through the head, knife through the stomach, knife through the heart, etc; nothing new), how would my suicide be different? (besides it being me....) I want to make a difference and be different, leave a helpful, happy blueprint/legacy of my soul here. So logically, I choose not to do that.
So with still feeling lost in life, not knowing my direction in life (besides getting my Early Childhood Educator, having a husband and a family) how can I make a difference in life, I (going to get spiritual here) gave the reins to my Higher Self/God/Source/The Divine. I've realized that I (my ego) cannot solve this big question with a small mind. The answer that I'm seeking lies beyond my mind to a higher ground that was there when I was born. We are all here for a reason, we are not a mistake. When I really think about it.... a baby was born.... now why? Something in the baby is something NOBODY else in the entire world has, so it's born. That is why I think people are born. Because nobody else in the world can do it like that soul in that baby. Plus reincarnation if you believe in that.
I understand I see, I have a reason to be here.
But Why?! Why don't I have tons of friends my age? Why am I still perpetuating my unhealthy eating habits, emotional eating, even though I know wayyy better? Why don't I have a successful career? Why don't I have a boyfriend that will eventually become my husband so I can pump out some oven baked loved up babies into the world? Why? Why? Why?
Reason mind response: Because I am not ready and because they are not ready. Because the world isn't ready yet. I need to build/hone and keep some great life skills in my toolkit before I can make this dream a reality. It will happen but my life skills need to be sharpen for this to succeed.
All that makes total sense but what life skills!? Where and with who? 😜
I know now that I just need to be patience, and trust and do what I gotta do every day. Know that at least 20 people love me and trust the process of life. And believe all the answers that I seek will come in due time. Count my blessings. There is always help.
Really hope I made sense.
There is always a way!! 💜💜
That's all for now lovelies! Thank you for reading till here. 💟💟💗
Take care,
Ahn xoxo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sight of blood and empty eyes fill my mind
Power is intense nowhere near lukewarm
Then these thoughts turn into something unalike
I see a path I see a bike
Now where do I go?
Follow the sunlight
Dear EveryBeauty,
Just going to delve deep here and skip the small talk.
Why are we here? Why am I here? What is the purpose of our presence on this Earth? Really. These questions have been flooding my mind for the past 10 hours. With having no schedule and no "social life" (for the past month), my mind has been coming up with thoughts to "entertain" me. Doing their best to break me down into a pile of disgusting bile. And I have to admit, it succeeded. I was on the kitchen floor a few nights back forcing the contents of what I binge ate, out of me. And let me tell you, it felt great, but it did come with some unfavourable consequences. So I ain't doing that again.
Anywho, so with all those questions swirling around in my mind, I really did think of suicide. Thinking of how. But what caught me and is preventing me of doing that is, what's so special about that? Soo many people have committed suicide (gun to the head, knife through the head, knife through the stomach, knife through the heart, etc; nothing new), how would my suicide be different? (besides it being me....) I want to make a difference and be different, leave a helpful, happy blueprint/legacy of my soul here. So logically, I choose not to do that.
So with still feeling lost in life, not knowing my direction in life (besides getting my Early Childhood Educator, having a husband and a family) how can I make a difference in life, I (going to get spiritual here) gave the reins to my Higher Self/God/Source/The Divine. I've realized that I (my ego) cannot solve this big question with a small mind. The answer that I'm seeking lies beyond my mind to a higher ground that was there when I was born. We are all here for a reason, we are not a mistake. When I really think about it.... a baby was born.... now why? Something in the baby is something NOBODY else in the entire world has, so it's born. That is why I think people are born. Because nobody else in the world can do it like that soul in that baby. Plus reincarnation if you believe in that.
I understand I see, I have a reason to be here.
But Why?! Why don't I have tons of friends my age? Why am I still perpetuating my unhealthy eating habits, emotional eating, even though I know wayyy better? Why don't I have a successful career? Why don't I have a boyfriend that will eventually become my husband so I can pump out some oven baked loved up babies into the world? Why? Why? Why?
Reason mind response: Because I am not ready and because they are not ready. Because the world isn't ready yet. I need to build/hone and keep some great life skills in my toolkit before I can make this dream a reality. It will happen but my life skills need to be sharpen for this to succeed.
All that makes total sense but what life skills!? Where and with who? 😜
I know now that I just need to be patience, and trust and do what I gotta do every day. Know that at least 20 people love me and trust the process of life. And believe all the answers that I seek will come in due time. Count my blessings. There is always help.
Really hope I made sense.
There is always a way!! 💜💜
That's all for now lovelies! Thank you for reading till here. 💟💟💗
Take care,
Ahn xoxo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 |
| "Everyone has been made for some particular work and the desire for that work has been put in every heart." ~ Jalaluddin Rumi "You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want." ~ Margaret Young |
Word of the Day
Foment
Verb
: to promote the growth or development of
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