Humble Pie with a side of a Long Walk
Blindly covered and feeling in the right
Unknown by the faults of my very steps
Thinking one thing and seeing a sight
Believing it's so muddy so complex
Today the shadows have been vaporized
The melodies aligned, harmonized
Thank you for my vision it is crystallized
Dear EveryBeauty,
Wow, what an epiphany!
So my history with food has been very distorted, I never know HOW distorted it was until this very day. I want to be as transparent as I can on here because I feel that's the only way forward to be authentic. In the past I could happily stuff down a whole entire package of doughnuts, Timbits or chocolate chip cookies (24+) and sometimes all three. Those days have past and for the past 4-5 years, I've been binge eating on "healthy foods". I've realized that I switched my binge eating habit from "very unhealthy foods" to "healthy foods". What I blocked out (resisted seeing) is, transferring my binge eating habit to healthy foods, I was making healthy foods unhealthy because I still had the habit of abuse.
For example, today I had:
1 container of Chickpeas
1 container of Almond Butter (not Peanut Butter "not as acidic - thinking)
1 package of Corn Waffles
1/2 container of Apple Sauce
All these foods are considered "healthy" but the habit of abuse makes all this unhealthy and in the area of distorted eating. What I'm realizing now is I seriously need to eat a BALANCED eating plan. But I have to admit, that with me only turning to "healthy" foods I was thinking I was in the clear. That I couldn't gain weight with binge eating on healthy foods, because I've never heard of anybody gaining weight on healthy foods. But finding out that a whole container (get this) of almond butter is 2,660 calories and over 200g of fat. Soooooo...... I'm finding out a lot! I totally thought it was only 1,000 calories in a container but no no no! Farrr from it! Plus I'm realizing that with all this binge eating on "healthy foods" my skin has been out of whack because of all this.
I do have to say that I've had fear of eating small amounts of sugar or wheat because I'm scared I will get triggered and might have a skin condition reaction that could send me to the hospital. But what I didn't realize was my inflammation condition only happens when my body gets overloaded with sugar or wheat. So once I balance out my eating habits to the recommended amounts for my age, weight, activity, etc.... my inflammation condition will be non-existent.
So with all these realizations, I do not have any "safe" way to binge eat and think I'm doing it without any ramifications because there most definitely are. I could totally binge eat on plain veggies but what will that do to my stomach? Not anything good. So it's literally all about BALANCE! I'm honestly thinking I'm going to get a tattoo with a sign of balance or just the word. Because A LOT of life is about balance.
All this came to me today after asking my Personal Trainer how many calories is in a whole container of almond butter. He really helped me see how unhealthy that is and how that will most definitely halt my fitness/shedding weight journey. Then taking a long walk home after a workout at the gym, everything fell into place.
I really see now that I'm slowly but surely going from (Unhealthy Foods) Binge Eating → (Healthy Foods) Binge Eating → Healthy Balanced Eating.... What a journey! 😜
I can do this!!! I got this!!!!
Thank you for reading to this point. I totally word vomited up in here! 😜
Love you all,
Ahn xoxoxo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Unknown by the faults of my very steps
Thinking one thing and seeing a sight
Believing it's so muddy so complex
Today the shadows have been vaporized
The melodies aligned, harmonized
Thank you for my vision it is crystallized
Dear EveryBeauty,
Wow, what an epiphany!
So my history with food has been very distorted, I never know HOW distorted it was until this very day. I want to be as transparent as I can on here because I feel that's the only way forward to be authentic. In the past I could happily stuff down a whole entire package of doughnuts, Timbits or chocolate chip cookies (24+) and sometimes all three. Those days have past and for the past 4-5 years, I've been binge eating on "healthy foods". I've realized that I switched my binge eating habit from "very unhealthy foods" to "healthy foods". What I blocked out (resisted seeing) is, transferring my binge eating habit to healthy foods, I was making healthy foods unhealthy because I still had the habit of abuse.
For example, today I had:
1 container of Chickpeas
1 container of Almond Butter (not Peanut Butter "not as acidic - thinking)
1 package of Corn Waffles
1/2 container of Apple Sauce
All these foods are considered "healthy" but the habit of abuse makes all this unhealthy and in the area of distorted eating. What I'm realizing now is I seriously need to eat a BALANCED eating plan. But I have to admit, that with me only turning to "healthy" foods I was thinking I was in the clear. That I couldn't gain weight with binge eating on healthy foods, because I've never heard of anybody gaining weight on healthy foods. But finding out that a whole container (get this) of almond butter is 2,660 calories and over 200g of fat. Soooooo...... I'm finding out a lot! I totally thought it was only 1,000 calories in a container but no no no! Farrr from it! Plus I'm realizing that with all this binge eating on "healthy foods" my skin has been out of whack because of all this.
I do have to say that I've had fear of eating small amounts of sugar or wheat because I'm scared I will get triggered and might have a skin condition reaction that could send me to the hospital. But what I didn't realize was my inflammation condition only happens when my body gets overloaded with sugar or wheat. So once I balance out my eating habits to the recommended amounts for my age, weight, activity, etc.... my inflammation condition will be non-existent.
So with all these realizations, I do not have any "safe" way to binge eat and think I'm doing it without any ramifications because there most definitely are. I could totally binge eat on plain veggies but what will that do to my stomach? Not anything good. So it's literally all about BALANCE! I'm honestly thinking I'm going to get a tattoo with a sign of balance or just the word. Because A LOT of life is about balance.
All this came to me today after asking my Personal Trainer how many calories is in a whole container of almond butter. He really helped me see how unhealthy that is and how that will most definitely halt my fitness/shedding weight journey. Then taking a long walk home after a workout at the gym, everything fell into place.
I really see now that I'm slowly but surely going from (Unhealthy Foods) Binge Eating → (Healthy Foods) Binge Eating → Healthy Balanced Eating.... What a journey! 😜
I can do this!!! I got this!!!!
Thank you for reading to this point. I totally word vomited up in here! 😜
Love you all,
Ahn xoxoxo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 |
| "The gift of balance in your life - may you find the balance of life, time for work but also time for play. Too much of one thing ends up creating stress that no one needs in their life." Catherine Pulsifer |
Word of the Night
Candor
Noun
: The quality of being open and honest in expression
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