Dear Jacinta (aka My Body)

 Come out from behind the corner

Time to stand up, stand out and shine

Drink some water and grow stronger

This is your neon sign 

Dear EveryBeauty, 

No more hiding, no more being afraid. Time to reveal my body and not care what other people think. Time to live my life by my rules. Time to start loving my body NOW! Not when I've lost 10 or 20 pounds, not when I have this gone, NOW! Scars and all! Time to be set free! I just might get a bikini and flaunt my flaws! Why not?! Are there rules in who can or cannot wear bikini's? NO! I'm going to free my body and in turn free me! My body is temporary! Jacinta changes daily. Do I have to be fit or skinny to wear a bikini? Hell no! So to liberate myself  I'm going to wear a bikini! I will be judged, so what?! At least I don't kill people or spread a poisonous contagion :P so I think I'm pretty awesome! I can wear a bikini "fat"! Jacinta will not forever be fat, I'm just now starting to get comfortable in my body.

This is only a result of what I have done to my body. The abuse behaviour I have bestowed upon her. You haven't seen my body when I love, care and acknowledge her like she craves, needs and deserves. So I'm no longer afraid! No longer waiting for that perfect body! 

I'm already perfect! No dress size, shape will ever validate how awesome I am. Because better believe it I will be pregnant and I might look like this or not! It's still beautiful! And if you don't like the way I look, you have full permission to judge or look away because whatever you are thinking, I have most definitely thought worst thoughts about myself. I can't control your mouth, your mind or you eyes, you are the control of them not me. I'm in control of what I fit my body. In the past I used to care what people of all races and genders used to think of me which NEVER brought happiness and freedom to live to my fullest potential. No more!! 

I wear what I want and no longer care what other people think of my body. Some days I might feel ugly, some days I might feel bomb! That is life! The only constant is change. 

I am soo very thankful that I have changed to this state. 

Yes I do desire to lose weight but I won't put my life on hold because I"m not there yet. I've done that and has only brought me shame, guilt and embarrassment (hiding my sunlight). NO FUCKING MORE! 

This is only the start. If I want to wear a bikini in the summer time, goddamit I will. My attitude of the life I desire to live starts now! I want to make mistakes, I want to learn, grow, explore! Do things I've always been scared to do because of my weight and "feeling" fat. Which FYI "fat" is not a feeling. 

So I end this post with the utmost compassion and understanding to my heart to yourself. 

This is only the visual personality start to my body kindness journey. Wait until you see me one year from now when I've been listening, acknowledging, respecting and honouring Jacinta. Banishing out all food police and body shaming mafia forever! 

With that said, I'm going to start moving my body more because seems like I've been currently living an extremely sedentary lifestyle. NO LONGER! I'm now aiming to walk 5,000 steps daily and aiming for 7-8,000 steps daily.

And as I will no longer care what other people think of my body (from all the abuse I've done to her 😢) I'm going to start doing this outside my comfort zone! Doing water and snow sports I've always wanted to do but been too scared to try and do. 

Here's a list of all the sports I'd love to try and do:

Water

Water-ski

Kayaking 

Wakeboarding

Paddle boarding

Snow

Snow-ski 

Snowboarding

Ice Skating

Ice Swimming (yep, yep, yep I sure do!) 

Magic is brewing and stewing in this very pot!!! 

{Marijuana is great but I was referring to the "pot of life"} 😉

That's all lovelies!! 💙💚💜

Take care, 

Ahn xoxoxo

P.S. I now know that I snore because I have gained weight because I've never snored before so getting down to a healthy, vitality body size, I most definitely will no longer snore! 

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"To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don't wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now." ~ Alan Cohen 

Word of the Month

Flawsome 

Adjective

; is a combination of the words "flaws" and "awesome". It means that you are awesome and wonderful even if you do have flaws. Celebrate your flaws and be proud of them because nobody is perfect